Is It Wrong to Try to Pick Up Girls in a Dungeon? Read online

  Prologue

  IS IT WRONG TO TRY TO PICK UP GIRLS IN A DUNGEON?

  Is it wrong to try to pick up girls in a dungeon?

  You know, an endless labyrinth divided into multiple floors and filled with scary monsters?

  Expectation:

  Join a group of fearless adventurers seeking wealth and fame. Go off to battle as soon as guild registration is complete.

  Meet a beautiful girl and protect her from an onslaught of monsters with only a sword in my hand.

  The air fills with her echoing screams, the monsters’ roars, and the clash of my sword as we face certain death.

  In the end, all that remains is her sitting on the floor beside my cool, heroic self standing over the remains of all the monsters I slew.

  Her cheeks blush as she looks upon me with beautiful, sparkling eyes. Love is about to bloom.

  Then sometimes I’d go to the local watering hole to boast about my day’s adventures to the cute barmaids, make some new allies.

  Sometimes I’d protect a young elfess from a few of my more barbaric comrades.

  Sometimes I’d help a struggling Amazonian warrior by letting her join my party.

  Sometimes I might be seen getting friendly with other girls, causing some drama and jealousy.

  Sometimes this, sometimes that, sometimes…

  I want to grow up a bit, become the kind of hero men dream about in tales of adventure.

  I want to be more than friends with cute girls.

  I want to meet the ladies of all the different races.

  Isn’t having these slightly corrupt and naïve thoughts part of being a young man?

  Is trying to meet girls in a dungeon, no… a harem, really that wrong?

  Conclusion:

  I was wrong.

  “Urrrroooooarrrrrrr!!!!”

  “Aiiiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeee?!!”

  I’m about to die courtesy of these slightly corrupt and naïve thoughts.

  Basically, I’m being chased by the bull-headed man-beast, the Minotaur.

  I’m going to be devoured by a monster that my measly Level One attacks can’t even scratch.

  I’m dead. So, so dead.

  Where did my dumb, despicable delusions get me? To the Minotaur’s dinner plate, that’s where. I’m such an idiot…

  I was stupid to think I was destined to find my dream girl in a dungeon.

  Striking gold in here—the golden locks of a beautiful maiden, that is—was nothing more than a hopeless fantasy.

  Come to think of it, I was doomed the moment I decided to look for my dream girl in a dungeon where hundreds of adventurers die every day.

  Ahh, what would I give to go back in time? To go back to that moment when I came of age and registered at the guild, eyes sparkling, and punch myself in the face. That would be so nice…

  But that’s not possible, physically or otherwise.

  “Uughunnnnn!”

  “Daaahhh!”

  The Minotaur’s hoof comes crashing down behind me.

  Ha-ha! It missed! Eh? When did that crack get there?

  Not the most graceful face-plant… Here comes that hoof again! Roll! Now!

  “Hoo-hooo…!”

  “Waaahhhhhhhh!!!!”

  All I can do now is scoot my sorry butt back.

  All the cute girls would laugh for sure if they saw me like this. From the start, guess I never had what it takes to be a beloved hero.

  My back hits the wall. Now there really is nowhere to run.

  I sprinted all that way, hall after hall, just to get trapped in a wide, square room. And now I’m cornered.

  This really is the end…I think to myself, my teeth chattering and tears rolling down my cheeks.

  The Minotaur’s nose is so close, its putrid breath pounding my skin.

  I look up at its ridiculously muscular body. It has to be at least twice my size. What’s worse, it’s gloating over me with a clumsy, broken smile.

  In the end, I didn’t meet any girls at all. The same fantasies that got me in this mess are running through my head for the last time. Oh look, the Minotaur’s hoof is above my head…

  The next moment, a line shoots across the creature’s torso.

  “Huh??”

  “Uoohhhh??”

  Sounds like he’s just as confused as I am…

  The line doesn’t stop there. It travels through thick pectoral muscles, across the raised leg, up the thigh, to the shoulders, and finally out the Minotaur’s neck.

  Now a silver light is shining through…

  And so it was that a monster I couldn’t scratch was cut into slabs of meat.

  “Guu…?? GWWAAAAAAAAAaaaaaa!!!!”

  Its dying roar of surprise and pain echoes through the chamber.

  The beast’s body falls to pieces along the dissection incisions, as if the seams of an overstuffed doll all burst at once. Its dark red “stuffing” sprays out like a fountain.

  Time stands still as a tsunami of beast blood washes over me.

  “Are you… okay?”

  That’s when I see a young girl, no… goddess emerge from behind what’s left of the bull monster.

  Her thin body is decorated with light blue clothing.

  Even in armor, she radiates feminine beauty.

  She stands tall, despite her petite frame. Her bulging twins are packed tightly into a breastplate engraved with a silver emblem. The same emblem graces her wrists and blood-soaked saber. She points the glistening blade downward, the blood dripping harmlessly to the floor.

  The blond hair hanging down to her waist shines so brightly, I could swear it’s made of real gold.

  Atop a body that any woman would call delicate perches the face of a sweet, young girl.

  She looks down upon me with golden eyes.

  … Ah!

  A female warrior with golden eyes and hair, clad in light blue raiment.

  Even a Level One newbie like me knows who’s standing there.

  There’s no mistaking Loki Familia’s Aiz Wallenstein.

  Everyone knows she’s achieved the highest rank among human, no… all female races, Level Five.

  “Umm… are you sure you’re okay?”

  No, I’m not okay.

  Definitely not okay.

  My heart feels like it could explode and fall to pieces any second. That is not “okay.”

  My cheeks blush as I gaze upon her with sparkling doe eyes. Love is about to bloom… no, love is erupting within me.

  My soul is gone, it’s hers now.

  Is it wrong to try to pick up girls in a dungeon?

  After further review:

  I was not wrong.

  Chapter 1

  WORLD, REALITY, AND DESIRE

  “Miiiiisssssssssssssss Eina!!!!!!!!!”

  “Hm?”

  Eina Tulle, a receptionist for the “guild” that manages all dungeon activities, looked up from the book she held loosely in one hand.

  Her long, pointed ears twitched as her transparent emerald eyes tore themselves away from the pages. Her mid-length brown hair shone in the early afternoon sunlight. Despite her good looks, she was not quite as “perfect” as the elves. It was as if her beauty had been glued on, but a corner was sticking up. The guild uniform, black jacket and pants, suited her thin frame very well.

  Known as the young Miss Congeniality within the guild, Eina was half human, half elf.

  Adventurers were usually out in a dungeon at this time of day, so Eina had decided to read to pass the time. She responded quickly to the voice that had called her name.

  He made it back safely again today…

  What had i
t been, two weeks?

  Since this bright-eyed kid came in to register with the guild?

  It had fallen on her to become this fourteen-year-old’s dungeon adviser and coach.

  He was an adventurer, a job that anyone, regardless of age or gender, could secure. But so many people died doing it. He was still a child, and she hated sending him into such a dangerous place.

  The only reason she worried for the boy’s, Bell Cranell’s, safety was that he was in her charge. She smiled, happy to hear his voice and relieved that he had returned safely.

  She hurried to fix her glasses and straighten her clothes before he came through the door.

  “MMMMMIIIISSSSSSSSSSS EINA!!!!!!!”

  Someone covered in black blood flew into the guild?!?! Is that him?!?!

  “EEEEEKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!”

  “Tell me everything you know about Aiz Wallenstein, please!!!!”

  “You know, Bell, after getting covered in blood, you should at least take a shower before coming in here…”

  “Sorry about that…”

  I can only hang my head and listen as she speaks.

  We are in a small room set up in the lobby of Guild headquarters. Sitting in chairs across from each other, there’s only a table between us.

  I’m clean at this point, but that doesn’t stop her from making an overly dramatic sigh.

  “I can’t believe you walked through the city as such a revolting mess! It makes me question your sanity.”

  “B… but…”

  Hearing someone as pretty as Eina say something that harsh so directly cuts really deep. Tears are welling up in the corners of my eyes.

  Eina cracks a painful smile and gently pushes my nose with her finger. “Be careful next time, okay?” she asks, giving me a big smile. I nod up and down as fast as I can.

  “So, you wanted information on Aiz Wallenstein, yes? Can I ask why?”

  “Well, about that…”

  I tell her everything about what had just happened, my face getting redder with every word.

  I start with how I decided to go from the lower second floor of the dungeon, my usual route, down to the lower fifth.

  And then about how I encountered a Minotaur the moment I arrived.

  Even about trying to run away and getting cornered.

  Then being saved from certain death by the “kenki,” Aiz Wallenstein.

  Finally, I tell her how I tried to say “thank you” and reach up to shake her hand, but my whole body was shaking. I suddenly got shy and really nervous. All the blood drained from my face in the blink of an eye. In the end, I ran back to headquarters at full speed.

  Eina is nice enough to lend me her ears, but her face gets more and more frightening with each passing detail.

  “Aaahh, why don’t you ever listen to me?!? You are alone, solo, in the Dungeon! You can’t just suddenly go that deep without any preparation! How many times have I told you that adventurers shouldn’t go on adventures?!?”

  “Y-yes ma’am…”

  —Adventurers shouldn’t go on adventures—

  That’s Eina’s motto. It may sound like one heck of a contradiction, but she’s really saying, “Get some insurance and safety first.”

  Seems like newbies like me really need to take her words to heart. I heard most adventurers who die in the dungeon are newbies, too.

  No one could have guessed that an encounter with a category Level Two monster like the Minotaur would have happened on the lower fifth floor of the Dungeon.

  Everyone knows that Minotaurs only show up on the lower fifteenth floor or lower. I can hear Eina’s words now: “No telling what will happen in a dungeon.”

  But seriously, if it weren’t for that girl, I’d be dead right about now. Just thinking about it sends shivers down my spine and almost makes me piss myself.

  I swear on my soul that I’ll never forget another word out of Eina’s mouth.

  “Sounds to me like you’ve got some weird fantasy about dungeons, and that was the reason for today’s events. Am I right?”

  “Ha-ha, ha-ha-haaaaaa…”

  Yep, she was right. But if I admitted that I went on an adventure to meet girls, she’d clobber me right here.

  It’s true, the main reason that I wanted to become an adventurer in the first place was the not-so-pure goal of meeting as many pretty girls and beautiful ladies as I could, just like the heroes in tales of adventure. Eina probably saw it written all over my face when I registered for the Guild. Even though she doesn’t try to control me, she always looks at me like I’m up to something.

  But from today on, I’m turning over a new leaf. All of those dirty daydreams are out the window. From today, I’ll be going into the dungeons with a purer purpose.

  All because I met that girl.

  “Um, if it’s okay… Could you tell me about Ms. Wallenstein now?”

  “Well, it’s against Guild regulations to give out adventurers’ personal information…”

  She paused for a moment before saying, “All I can tell you is information that is already out there?” She might just be helping me out because I’m a newbie, but Eina’s kindness is amazing.

  Full Name: Aiz Wallenstein. She is the female warrior at the core of Loki Familia.

  There is no question that her swordsmanship is on par with the strongest of all adventurers. She once wiped out a horde of Level Five monsters by herself, earning her the nickname “kenki,” or sword princess. Some go as far as to call her “senki,” which sounds like “Lady of Combat.”

  I heard that the gods call her Aiz “maji musou,” or “Aiz the Unequaled.”

  Males who try to put the moves on her are slain, utterly destroyed.

  She just recently passed the thousand-kill mark.

  “Let’s see, what else… With her amazing body and strength like that, there are plenty of things to talk about.”

  “Um… Not as an adventurer. What does she do in her free time? What food does she like? Maybe you could tell me more about the last thing you said there…”

  Eina blinks her eyes two, three times. I think my face is on fire.

  “What’s this? Bell, do you have a thing for Ms. Wallenstein?”

  “No, nah… well, kinda… yes…”

  “Hee-hee, I don’t blame you, though. I’m female, same as her, but my heart skips a beat when I see her.”

  Eina lets out a small chuckle as she brings a cup of tea to her lips. How can she be that elegant just drinking tea?

  It’s not just Eina who looks up to Aiz Wallenstein; she’s popular with other adventurers, too. Eyes like jewels framed with soft skin, a delicate chin, a pretty nose. She is the living, breathing definition of beauty. There are rumors about how many men are after her heart, but no one knows for sure. Eina is my boss! And we are talking like this! Am I a lucky guy or what?

  Despite being half human, Eina has all of the refined beauty of a full-blooded elf. I can’t believe how friendly and open she is with me. She tells me many people judge her on her looks and don’t know her real personality.

  Eina looks a little down after saying that but tells me that she’s never heard of anyone dating Ms. Wallenstein.

  Fist pump! Hell yeah!

  “I really don’t know about her hobbies or anything like that… Wait, wait, wait! This is a workplace! These questions have nothing to do with your job! I’m not a matchmaker!”

  “But you could try?”

  “N-O. Unless you have something else to discuss about your job, go home already!”

  She stands up and almost chases me out of the room. It was pointless to try and stay any longer. She follows me out into the Guild lobby.

  The lobby is a little bit underwhelming even though it’s made of white marble. But all the pictures of famous adventurers and various gods on the walls give me a sense of being part of something big.

  “Ahh, you’re such a tease, Miss Eina…”

  “You know, you are an adventurer. There are plenty of other things tha
t you should be thinking about, right?”

  “Yeaaahhh.”

  Yes, I know.

  The only option for people without someone to support and protect them, like me, is to work hard in the dungeons to make enough money to see tomorrow. Also, if I don’t know my contract inside and out, I’m up the creek without a paddle. Money is always tight.

  Plus there is someone… no, a goddess, who I need to support. I don’t have time to get caught up in my feelings for Ms. Wallenstein.

  “You already have a ‘blessing’ from a god other than Loki, right? To be in a relationship with someone in a different Familia would be difficult, to say the least.”

  “… Yeah?”

  “I don’t want to say give up, but you have to face facts. Otherwise, this will only be a problem for you.”

  Focus on being an adventurer for now; that has to be what she’s trying to say.

  But seriously, it felt like a death sentence when she brought up the Familia.

  Eina must have noticed the will to live draining from my face and decided to try and get my mind off of it by getting back to business.

  “Are you going to get some money?”

  “… Well, yeah. I slew a few monsters before meeting the Minotaur, so that’s something.”

  “Then let’s go to the Exchange. I’ll walk you there.”

  Now I feel bad because she’s going out of her way. Sure, left and right don’t seem all that different to me right now, but she’s already done so much.

  I still feel okay talking to her, but there is no way I’ll be able to look her in the eyes after today.

  The Exchange is within headquarters itself. We go there, and I pick up my pay for today.

  I trade in some magic stone shards I got for killing mostly goblins and kobolds. Everything comes out to about 1,200 vals worth of money. Less than usual, but considering I ran away from Ms. Wallenstein, I didn’t spend as much time as I usually do in the Dungeon.

  Let’s see… Weapon repairs, food for me and the goddess… No new items for me today…

  “Bell?”

  “Oh… yes? What is it?”

  Eina had walked with me almost out the door, but she stopped just before leaving headquarters.

  She looks like she has something on her mind, and then just says it: